The Reality of it is:
I’m back to work after 10 years of being at home.
I’m FULL TIME after 10 years of being AT HOME.
I am a type 2 diabetic.
I suffer from PTSD and Depression
I’ve just recently gotten my heart broken
and I’m stepping into a new level of life.
Know what? I’m tired. Mentally and physically, sometimes I feel exhausted. I have my UP days and when I do, I really enjoy the feeling. The DOWN days are hard…excruciating really.
Lord, please show me the little things I can start doing to get my health under control. I know that will go a long way to making me feel better mentally. I need you Jesus. I can’t do any of this alone. Thank you for bringing me this far. I know you won’t leave me.
I grew up writing poetry. I had books and books of things that I had written. I loved sitting down and reading some of the older stuff. I lost all of my poetry in an apartment fire in 2006. I don’t think I’ve written since then. Every time I would think about losing all of my writing, it would hurt.
I’ve decided to start again. I’m getting back to the basics.
Writing gives me a certain release that I can’t get anywhere else. I can say what I really feel and it comes out much clearer than if I try to speak the words.
Here is my first poem in over 8 years:
I am thankful for:
My family’s safety
My son who makes me proud
My new car!
My new bed!
My new Job!!
People in my life who care about me
My working computer
My refrigerator full of food
My ability to pay my bills every month
Don’t EVER let anyone tell you that God isn’t good!
I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes on my birthday. I’m so grateful for everything God has blessed me with and God I’m so sorry for feeling sad on this day. I’m missing the love I had in my life. I’m missing the future we had planned. I hate that I’m hurting. I hate that I’m alone.
Lord, please take this pain away.
For those who don’t know: I got a new car over the weekend!! After 8 long years of riding the bus, we finally have our own wheels again! God is so good!! Unless you’ve been without a car for a period of time, you have no idea how many doors this opens up for Mel and I; small things that most people take for granted, like going to the grocery store whenever you need to…being able to FINALLY go to Half Price Books and get rid of these 2 boxes of books that have been sitting in my living room for the last year!
When Ramel and I moved to Texas back in 2006, we had to junk our car. It was 11 years old and the transmission had gone out for the 2nd time. We had suffered an apartment fire and could not stay in Nashville without a car.That city didn’t have buses like Dallas.
We sold everything we had left, packed our bags and got on a greyhound bus headed for Dallas to stay with my niece and sister until we could get back on our feet. Since then, Ramel and I have been trying to piece our lives back together from nothing,
My new job…our new car….these things mean more to me than you can ever know. God has brought us through SO many heartaches and disappointments! Lord, please give me the discernment to see the things that I need to see. Help me to stay focused on You and where I’m trying to take the next portion of my life. Show me where you want me and give me my passion back for what’s in my heart. Show me the right direction.
I was in the 99cent Store this morning around 9 am and I was brought to tears. No one noticed. I didn’t break down or anything,but cried, I did. In the store.
When you love someone, you take a chance. You put your heart in their hands and you hope and wish they do the right thing with it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. But is loving someone worth the heartache? Worth the chance? YES.
I’m single right now after a 3 year relationship, but I loved and I loved strong…and hard…and with everything I had. I don’t regret that. I laughed, I cried and I grew.
Lord, I trust that You know what’s best for me. I’m so grateful for my time in that relationship. I learned to love myself and I learned that I was worthy of love as well. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am smart.
…and I learned those things because of that relationship.
Now that it’s over, it’s time for me to go onto my next journey and love again. Will I? Certainly.
God knows it’s my hearts desire to share my life with someone, but right now, I’ve just decided to do something I’ve never really done before: DATE.
I’m not really looking for love. I have that already. I just want to enjoy my future and be the woman I was meant to be. FINALLY.
I started blogging way back around 2003. My first blog was called Christians in Good Company and I just recently retired it. It was my way of documenting my walk with God. Around 2005, my life changed drastically and that blog became a wonderful way for me to keep track of everything that was going on and to see small victories God was allowing in my life.
My life looks SO different now than it did back then. God has done AMAZING THINGS! Right now, I’m in the process of revamping my current blog RLSocialMedia. Over the years I’ve gotten away from writing daily, but I’m seeing the need to get back to it. Blogging makes me happy and really gives me an outlet and I need that right now.
My life and my world is expanding and I want to document every piece of it!!
As some of you can probably tell, God has made a few changes to my life in the last few months. Some have hurt more than others, but I STILL know that God LOVES me and He’s always gonna do what’s best for me. It may not feel like it right now, but He knows best. I’ve learned over the years to trust Him and be confident in what He wants my life to be!
God loves me more than anyone ever could! He wants me to be happy! I believe that, and no matter who has left my life, I KNOW that YOU KNOW it was for the best. I cannot see further down the road, but You can Lord. I TRUST YOU.
I’ve been through harder times than these and I refuse to stay broken. God has been too good to me. If He brought me good, He can bring me better! Thank you Lord!
I must say: I am so grateful to God for my job, my schedule, my paycheck, my son, my health and my overall life!
I might complain sometimes, but I KNOW God has blessed me and my son! Our whole lives have been blessed. Yes, we have been through alot, but thru it all God has been there! I can see His hand on us through everything.
Lord, I’m asking you right now to help me to stay strong when I feel like I want to crumble. Show me the right steps to take to get to where I am trying to go.
I know You can handle anything that comes up!
I have been sick, sick, sick!
The allergy season hit and I went down!!
I started my new job on September 17 and have basically been sick since then. I finally went to the doctor yesterday with a low grade fever. She put me on antibiotics and some cough syrup and advised me NOT to take the flu shot right now! I need to wait until my body is back up to 100%.
We also decided that I need to get a biopsy done on a lump that I had an MRI for not too long ago. She thinks that it may be getting bigger and it’s blocking my sinuses, which is causing me to have an infection. I’m not sure how they are going to do the biopsy, but they will be contacting me when they want me in General Surgery.
I’m SO thankful for this job that God has given me! This is a start to a new part of my life and I’m excited! Ramel is in the 12th grade, has a job and I am SO proud of him! God is doing great things for both of us! I hadn’t had a full time job since 2004!
The next thing on my list is a car. We have been riding the bus since moving here in 2006. It’s time that I get back behind the wheel! I’m going to have to start saving money from each pay check to be able to put towards that. I would love to be driving by January!
Alot is going on right now and there is so much more that I need to do! I need to start going back to the gym now that I’m working and can pay for it! That way, I can get my health back under control and start feeling better!
God, you know all of the things I’m trying to do! Thank you Lord for being right here with me and providing everything that I need!! YOU are such a GOOD GOD!!